Thank you notes are such an intrical part of etiquette and are quite possibly one of the most underused part.  Sad, but true.  I would like to see us return to writing those thank you's that people so richly deserve. 

Did you know:   If you are the guest of honor at a dinner party then a thank you note is required.  I recommend sending one the next day if at all possible.  Guests are not obligated to send a thank you note, but it is generous to do so.

For more tips on Thanks You's click a button above.

Dear Tooter,  My teenage daughter has been invited to several "Quince" (sweet 15) Latin birthday parties this year.  These parties usually take place in a banquet hall requiring formal attire.  The invitations are also formal. 

Being of American (Italian) decent, I am not accustomed to attending a formal  affair, where a gift is given, but no formal "thank you" card us   mailed out to the guests.  I find it in poor taste to send formal, invitations, yet not follow up and send thank you cards to the guests who gave gifts. 

I have found the same poor etiquette in regard to gift-giving at Latin Weddings.  I realize that I am a minority in Miami, but, why go to the expense of formality of it is not carried through to the end?  Are these people rude or are they ignorant of proper etiquette?
Madame J., from Miami

Dear Madame J,   Latinos are neither rude, nor ignorant to etiquette.  In their culture etiquette is different.   If you were a man, and were in Mexico, and asked after a business associates wife's health and happiness (common courtesy in America - "Hi Bob, How's your wife doing?") you would be thought of as rude by the Mexican.   Each culture has their own set standards of etiquette and courtesy.  Latinos tend not to make as big a deal out of gifts as the majority of Western countries do.   To them, a gift is something given - without strings - from your heart and a verbal thank you is sufficient.   A card or note would only be sent if you sent the gift and did not attend. 

I realize that since those you speak of, obviously live in the U.S. that they should adopt our methods of etiquette and I agree, but to be fair, how long did it take you to learn them?    Give them time.  Most of the Hispanics that have lived in my city for any length of time have picked up on the American way of doing things.  Sincerely,  Tooter

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